All I Want for Christmas...is a Bunch of Unattainable Pipe Dreams!

Excitement is high around here today. Firstborn is back to talking about wanting Santa to bring him a Jack-in-the-Box (do you have any idea how hard it is to find a Jack-in-the-Box in the year 2008?!) and Rosemary's Baby is running around without any pants on (nothing new there). It has been decided that Santa will be treated to a mince pie and a beer this evening, and no one seems to have any worries about him getting stuck in the chimney and having to be pulled out by the RCMP, so it's all good.

I know I've already posted my Christmas wishlist, so I won't regale you with more consumer-driven gift requests. But here are a few other things that I think would come in really handy right about now.

1. Polygamy. No, I'm not talking about the creepy stuff going on in BC with all that victimization of young girls and whatnot. Eww. But an extra husband around the place could potentially be really helpful. Between the truck that still needs a new turn signal, and the 2 broken vacuum cleaners in the garage, another husband could potentially double the productivity around here. Of course, since the Captain's return home, the mess and clutter have also doubled, leaving lots more work for me. It's actually kind of like having another child. So I guess it's really a double-edged sword...

2. Six More Hours In My Day. Oh, to have just a little more time. The cards I could make! The sleep I could get! If it was a toss-up between more money and more time, I'd take the time, hands-down.

3. Immunization from all Winter-Related Illnesses. What is it about this time of year? The germs run rampant at school, and they all seem to make their way back here. Last winter, I got three stomach bugs. It was gross, and completely unheard of for me. It may not have helped that we had a four-month-long kitchen renovation in the Captain's convenient absence, but the introduction of school into our lives hasn't helped matters either. Life's a whole lot easier when you're healthy. More fun too.

4. Toilet Training. Firstborn was a slow toilet trainer. He was well on his way to four before he started showing any interest, but once it happened, that was pretty much it--toilet training was taken care of. I didn't expect Rosemary's Baby to be any different, and he still has a few months to go before I expect him to start showing a bit of interest. But after five years of cloth diapers, I'm starting to feel a little impatient. Recently, Rosemary's Baby informed me "Mu-mee, I wan go pee!" The excitement! The jubilation! The 20 straight minutes of watching him grin naughtily at me as he sat there on the toilet doing absolutely nothing! I'm pretty sure he did it on purpose to get a reaction. He's good at that.

5. Peace on Earth. Sounds like an honourable Christmas wish, right? No, I'm just being selfish. I absolutely recognize the need for Canadian troops to be in places like Afghanistan, protecting those who can't protect themselves, and who didn't ask to be placed in the horrific situation they're in. However, what I'd really like is for the world to kiss and make up so I don't have to wave goodbye to the Captain (and many of our friends) as they head into a war zone next year. I'd like the friends we have overseas right now to come home safely and be with their families for Christmas.

None of this will be under my tree tomorrow, of course. But that doesn't mean I won't get some really meaningful gifts for myself. The kids' excitement when they realize Santa did indeed come, the fun of watching them open their gifts, and the playing-out of the various traditions we've created for ourselves over the years will fill me with Christmas cheer. That other stuff would just be a really nice bonus.

Merry Christmas, everyone!!