Sunday, May 22, 2011

I'm Probably Going to be Insufferable for the Next 6 Posts

Well, I've finally gotten around to learning how to use a blog feature a lot of you have been using for ages already. Let's see if you can figure out what it is:

I've eaten cake all day veered slightly off my diet.

I can't stand my husband put up with a lot.

My life is a shambles colourful.

My friends are a-holes really tell it like it is.

I'd wear heels more, but my ankles scare the wildlife away are a little on the big-boned side.

As Spider-Man always says, with great power comes great responsibility. I promise to use this new knowledge only for good.

I've had some questions about how to do this, so I guess I wasn't the last person on blogger to learn!  Here's my handy-dandy expert tutorial (quit laughing):

  • In your dashboard, click on the Settings tab.
  • Click on Basic (first tab on the left).
  • Scroll down until you see the words Global Settings.
  • Right underneath Global Settings, you will see the words "Select post editor" with 3 options.
  • Choose Updated Editor (the first one).
  • Save your changes.

Now, when you go to edit or write a new post, you will have some new icons at the top along with the usual font, text colour, bold options etc. It looks like an ABC with a line through it. Anytime you want to strike through some text, select the words you want to strike out and click on that icon. Voila! A whole new world of passive-aggressiveness awaits!

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Rapture!

Thanks to all of you who have asked after us out here in Flood Central. We are actually high and dry, well out of the flood zone. The Captain has been away a lot, and it isn't looking like that situation is going to improve for the long weekend. But we are not facing the possibility of being evacuated, or at any risk of losing our home, so we can live with it.

With the flood not being a worry, my only legitimate cause for concern this weekend is what to wear for the coming apocalypse. As I will undoubtedly be one of the unfortunates left behind to suffer in chaos (ie. my normal state of being) for 5 months, it'll have to be something comfortable. But if the rest of my wardrobe is destroyed by this thing (so hard to know, since the useless Weather Network refuses to provide any coverage whatsoever), I'll want to be wearing something I won't be sick of by the time the zombies get me.

Jeans, or capris? T-shirt or roomy blouse? Sweater? Accessories? This is going to require some serious thought. In the meantime, I'm off to make dinner. I'll be needing one more taco salad before the world comes to an end.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Santa's Workshop Is Adjourned

Big news! Two of Canada's Supreme Court Justices are retiring this year!

No, it's not big news for me either. Between the flooding that'll have my husband away from home for at least another week, and about 40 other things on my mind, I wish whichever two are hanging up the gavel many riveting years of Tuesday afternoon Bingo, but otherwise I couldn't care less.

What did stop me in my tracks though was this picture from the Canadian Press (swiped from

Now, I ask you, does this look like a group of people you'd entrust your legal system to, or does it look more like the last act of your kid's Christmas concert at school? Red and white and Canada. I get that. But in fluffy fuzzy North Pole fleece? It's a little much.

I have no idea who dresses these people, but for the sake of good old Canadian modesty, could we please tone it down a little?!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Random Grey Tuesday

A few random points to start off your Tuesday. I know you've all been waiting with bated breath!

Mother's Day was mostly fun. Firstborn made me a beautiful present at school and put it in a homemade envelope with a picture of a city on it. The city had an Empire State Building, a Lego factory and a thrift store. That's our kind of city! The Captain made me breakfast in bed, with the delightful added touch of leaving all the dirty dishes in the sink for me to take care of when I got up. After a nice day and a delicious dinner, the Captain got the phone call telling him to get his uniform on and get to work because the army was being deployed to deal with the emergency flooding situation happening in our province at the moment. We haven't seen him since!

Rosemary's Baby and I made what will hopefully be our LAST trip to the Children's Hospital in the big city yesterday. The ongoing assessments were starting to get to be a little too much, considering it's a 2-hour drive each way, and no one has yet told me anything I didn't already know about my kid. We still have a loooooong way to go, but our pediatrician is comfortable with our regular program provider taking over at this point. On the one hand, this means less driving to the big city. On the other hand, it means I'll need to come up with some new excuses to go there in order to still make regular visits to the huge Value Village...

I've been giving my blogging slump a little thought and I might have things figured out. Do any of you find your New Year's Resolutions go off the rails by May? Obviously, I'm asking this of the six of you whose resolutions didn't go off the rails by January 3rd. I did well at keeping it simple until about the end of March and then things started getting away from me. Here's an example of what keeping it simple does NOT look like:

  • Multiple trips to the big city to attend appointments we don't need.
  • Signing up to participate in umpteen autism studies on Saturdays because research is important.
  • Filling my closet up with deals and steals from Value Village and Old Navy, despite the fact that I spend every day in jeans and a sweatshirt.
  • Two trips a week 30 minutes down the road to take Firstborn to martial arts class.
  • Someone in my house working with Rosemary's Baby 6 hours a day 5 days a week.
  • And so on, and so forth...

I think all these extras are pulling me away from things I want to be doing, like visiting my blog pals (I owe a few of you a comment--bear with me) and airing our dirty laundry for all the world to see, via my own blog. Obviously not all these things can be eliminated from my life. But RB's therapy and Firstborn's Taekwon-Do class are the only things I'm committing to from now on. Not filling up my closet is going to be hard. But I did some basic sixth-grade math a while back and realized that I have enough combinations of tops, bottoms and dresses that I could dress myself for more than 5 years and never wear the same outfit twice! Considering I have what I think is a pretty average-sized wardrobe, this is absolutely shocking. In a world where children are starving, it's a shameful "problem" to have. Thrifting is a fun and cheap hobby, but I'm going to have to cut down. Maybe not being able to go to the big VV in the city isn't such a bad thing after all.

And that's going to have to be it for this rainy, grey Tuesday. RB's program continues as always, and my house looks like a bomb hit it. A poop bomb. Off to scrub the bathroom!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Staycation, All I Ever Wanted

For a brief time this spring, we were playing with the idea of taking a road trip home to the armpit of Ontario during Rosemary's Baby's 2-week break from therapy in July. But then something struck us as...interesting.

In almost 14 years of marriage, the Captain and I have had exactly two vacations that have not involved visiting family. Both of those vacations were road trips, and neither of them lasted more than 3 days. One of them was our "honeymoon".

We are the ones who have moved away. So I do recognize that we need to make the effort to see people from time to time. However, should our first thought every time a vacation period presents itself be to drive all over hell's half-acre fulfilling family obligations? Plenty of other members of our family are smart enough to recognize that they need a trip to a tropical island, or a cruise, or a weekend in the big city from time to time. Why on earth have we gotten into the mindset that we can't do that?!

As we let this thought sink in, another one popped up, and this one was the final nail in the coffin of our road-trip plan.


The Captain sat down and did a little math on the cost of food and hotels to and from our destination, the price of boarding the dogs and cat while we're away (not to mention the extra vaccines they'd all need to stay at the kennel), and the amount of gas we'd use in the process. We were looking at a minimum $1500 road trip. We could go to Disney for that!!!

Granted, rummaging through my mother's baking cupboards and making creative desserts with all those cake mixes she buys that I don't still sounds like more fun to me than being hugged by a mute in a giant Goofy costume, but $1500 is a lot of money.

So after a bit of discussion, we've decided that this year our best bet is to plan a staycation.

A staycation is a tricky thing though. If we don't want to end up cleaning out the garage and doing laundry the whole time and regretting not going somewhere, we need to plan this thing like tourists with guide books and fanny packs. So I'm doing my research now.

So far, we have a day trip to the big city planned, complete with a visit to the zoo, lunch and a bit of light shopping. We'll have a trip to Booming Metropolis for more family fun (ie. NOT grocery shopping), a nearby small-town festival to visit, and a morning at the park for some beach time and a hike. Barbecues, bonfires and a backyard camp-out will be going on the calendar to keep us accountable, as will a trip to the drive-in movie. I will buy a souvenir, just like I would on vacation, and we'll eat burgers and ice cream. "Staycation" is going to become a synonym for "fun".

If any of you out there have had a successful staycation and have any tips or ideas for me, I'd love to hear them. I'm on a mission to enjoy a holiday at home even more than a road trip to see my in-laws.

I'd make a joke about that, but come on. Fish in a barrel.

Monday, May 2, 2011

My Fellow Canadians

Mojo slowly returning... Snow almost gone....

Just wanted to remind all my Canadian blog pals that today is Election Day here in Canada. Get out there and vote!

I actually voted in the advance polls, and my vote didn't count one bit because I disagree with most other people in my riding. But voting affords you one of life's most important rights: the right to bitch about the government!

I was going to post a handy voting guide for those who are still undecided, but everything I had to say was mean-spirited and ended up back at Stephen Harper looking like the guy from the Play-Doh Mop Top Hair Shop right after I gave him that perm helmet. Apparently, I should be writing the campaign ads next time, since most of the ones I saw and heard operated at about that same level of maturity.

So, you're on your own. Do your part and vote your conscience. May the best candidate win, and may tomorrow be a new day for Canada!

Let the bitching begin.