Saturday, July 10, 2010

Die, Swimwear, Die!

You know what I hate about this time of year? Every single magazine and catalogue devotes at least 30% of its pages to bathing suits. Stupid, stupid bathing suits.

Firstly, swimwear requires about a half a yard of fabric. So, we're being charged upwards of $100 (and sometimes more, depending on where you shop) for $5 worth of fabric and an hour (at the most) of cutting and sewing. This is even more infuriating to me than the current trend of women being charged full-price for ripped jeans. And you know how I feel about that, so no rant required.

Secondly, my body could be worse, but it could also be better, so just the idea of bikini-waxing myself and then exposing my pale, pasty, English skin, all stretch-marked and flabby, makes me want to rip my own head off and run around the beach shaking it at the buff and the beautiful.

I bought my most recent bathing suit 6 years ago in a fall sale for something like $20. It's the most unflattering thing you've ever seen--boy shorts and a tank top that covers as much as is humanly possible. And I only bought it because I had to take Firstborn to Aqua-Tots classes, where he routinely screamed for the first 45 minutes, then spent the last 15 asleep on my shoulder. I have absolutely no interest in replacing this degrading, unpleasant garment every single summer, and this is one area where I honestly cannot put myself in another woman's shoes. Judging by the amount of new bathing suits out there every spring and summer, there must be women who buy a new one every year. Can anyone tell me what motivates women to do this? Because I could buy myself 5 new summer dresses every week (if the Captain would let me, that is. He's a real party-pooper when it comes to me wanting to spend the grocery money on my wardrobe.), but nothing in the world makes me want to even spend 5 minutes looking at pictures of bathing suits.

So, let's hear it. Do you buy yourself a new swimsuit every year? And if so, for the love of Mike, WHY?!!


Frostbite and Sunburn said...

I'm heading off for my holidays today -and digging the one and only black, boring bathing suit I own from the dusty depths of a drawer are enough to depress me again for the whole summer!

I hate wearing it, with a passion - I hate shopping for new ones -is there anything worse that standing in front a full length, super-lit mirror in a piece of stretchy fabric designed to make you look hideous? It's enough to make me run to the hills. But I do love running into the lakes so I do need something!

So - no, I do not buy a new swimsuit each year - about one every five or six years will do it.

Now then, my 5'7" skinny-as-a-rake daughter bought her first "proper" bikini last week - and why wouldn't she want something fun, and skimpy? I guess I just have to accept that about 5% of the population actually look good in them!!!

laterg8r said...

nope, don't buy one every year b/c i'm usually in some state of pregnancy or post pregnant hate of my body. eventually i'll have to buy a new one but till then, i wear shorts and a tank top, even in the water at the beach! :D

Linda said...

No, I don't buy a swimsuit every year, for just the reasons you've listed. I didn't take a suit with me on our last trip, because I had none that fit comfortably, but when the weather was so hot I thought about getting one.

My daughter was looking for a shirt, and I tried on two suits that had very low sale prices. Neither one enticed me to spend $20.00- how sad! I wore shorts and waded.

In Real Life said... sentiments exactly! I have a hideous, disgusting, does not even fit properly, old-lady style bathing suit that is about 8 years old. The only thought more upsetting than wearing it, is trying to find a replacement!

Suburban Princess said...

I have a pool so I often buy 4 or 5 suits every spring...but not this year...I didn't see any I liked :O( I just buy them at Wally's for about 20.00 each since they get destroyed in the sun/chlorine/wash.


I must have been 40 when I purchased my last swin suite! That was 20 years ago. I haven't had one in in 10 years so why buy a new one. someone young like you might buy one often but not this old broad!

Melanie Jane said...

I buy one or two when I find a fantastic one - and then that is it until I have to buy one again, however I love the cover up and I do look every few years for a new one :)

Janine said...

I am so sorry that I haven't been by in awhile but I get such a hoot reading everything!!

I finally found a fabulous bathing suit to hide a multitude of sins.

Kazwear Swimwear!!

Deb Neerman said...

LOL'ing at today's post!

I'll be honest: when I lived at the beach, I DID buy a new swimsuit every summer ... but I practically lived in 'em, so it was justified (or so I convinced myself).

Now I live in a tropical climate, have a large pool in a very private yard thereby swimming year-round ... so, naturally, I now swim sans expensive swimwear.

When I drag Sheila to one of our local white-sandy beaches, I do suit up .. but usually choose the same boring tankini over and over and over.

There must be a moral to this story but it escapes me now ...

Sending hugs!

Sasha said...


I buy 1-2 new suits a year but at Wal-mart where they are cheap. I buy them because I obsess with my tanning and I frequent the south a lot. But, I do feel they are totally over priced for the smallest piece of fabric ever!!