Confusion at the Fair

Major Dad is off fighting the floods, so the kids and I are on our own for the time being. Yesterday, we decided to drive an hour down the road to the big town fair. A good time was had by all, but I found myself a little confused at the signs they had posted on all the rides. 

It has always been my assumption that symbols posted in public places should be the kinds of things you can glance at and immediately recognize the meaning of. Like the universal symbols for men and women outside public restrooms (though to be honest, I messed that one up recently too). But apparently it's good to have a super-visual type with you at the fair these days, because Firstborn figured all of these out while I was still standing there like a dog with my head cocked sideways trying to make sense of them.

There are a  LOT of rules for riding the teacups these days!

Me: "No love? No heartbreak?"

Firstborn: (rolling eyes) "No heart problems, mom."

I thought maybe this one was banning bionic men, but Firstborn said it meant no one with injuries should ride, and that bionic men would most likely be fine. That probably makes more sense.

No one attached to a blood bag?? Because it would be kind of awkward to hit a bump on the roller coaster and have your bag of O-negative go flying across the midway. But I was wrong here too. No blood pressure problems. Does having my blood pressure skyrocket trying to figure out these symbols count?

This one was a real head-scratcher. Even Firstborn took a long time to figure it out. Standing in line for the ride with the sun in our eyes, we couldn't make out that that was a bird, so all we could see was a bag with an arm coming out of it, and wondered what on earth we were being told not to do on the carousel! Okay, fine. So a stork with a baby bag means no pregnant women. Would a silhouette of a woman with a baby bump not be a little more clear?!

These are at least self-explanatory. And while I'd like to believe that they're just there as a precaution, I've lived on this planet way too long not to know in my heart that that last one had to be put there because at some point some jackass tried to sue the town fair after he spilled his martini while riding the Zipper.

Today we will instead go swimming at my good friend Granny Bob's house. There are no confusing signs there, and bionic men are welcome. My brain needs a break...