2012 has gotten off to quite a start around here. First I discovered that my little iPod Shuffle has gone off to the great electronics pile in the sky. Then I found RB in the pantry yesterday morning stuffing a contraband substance (Hostess cupcake) into his mouth whole. As I have had to install locking door handles all over this house due to RB's wandering hands, monkey-like climbing skills, and naked butt issues, I decided that January 1st was the day I was finally going to end the pantry mischief once and for all. And it was only going to take me about 5 minutes. After all, I have experience with this.
I began with a Phillips screwdriver, and removed the ratty old regular handle. No problems there. But when I started to try to fit the new locking handle into the hole in the door, I found the inside mechanism was too long. Never having come upon this problem before, I started devising new ways to make it fit. After about half an hour of drilling, sawing, hammering (and by this, I mean hitting things with the heel of my shoe), the Captain felt he needed to come downstairs and stick his nose in my handy work. I had made no headway whatsoever, and received a ten-minute lecture on how doors work and thinking through my problems.
When he went back upstairs, I got right back to work doing exactly what I'd been doing before. I cheered in triumph when I finally got the door to close, but then immediately had to call back upstairs in defeat when I realized it wouldn't open again and I was trapped in the pantry. Another lecture. This time, I left him to figure out this unfathomable problem, and in 5 minutes we had a working lock on our pantry door. Handy jerk.
He explained, again, how the locking mechanism works and what I had to do to make it fit. I promised to keep it in mind the next time I needed to change a door handle.
So, for future reference, if you're installing a locking door handle, the thing to remember is blah blah blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, and I told you so.
Or something along those lines.