I'm Too Old for This @!#%

Between Christmas and the New Year, I decided to treat myself and subscribe to In Style magazine for a year. I like clothes and makeup and all things girly, so it seemed like a fun thing to look forward to receiving in the mail every month. And it is. But I have some complaints, and I think they have more to do with ME than the magazine.

WHO?! : In my teens and 20's, if you named a celebrity--a singer, actor or anyone famous for anything--I'd have been able to pull up a mental image and a list of things they were famous for. Today, I flip open the pages of my magazine, see an actual picture of a celebrity with their name printed underneath, and I STILL have no idea who the hell I'm looking at! Kristen Stewart--hmmm...name sounds familiar...is this someone I went to high school with?! Judging from her youthful photos, I'm guessing not. At least HALF the people featured in this magazine elicit this response from me now. Apparently, I really need to get with the program.

A Little Modesty, For Crying Out Loud! : Jennifer Lopez is older than me. Granted, she's in far better shape, but should a woman at this stage in life still need to walk around with her boobs all but exposed, or her butt barely covered? 10 years ago, my motto was "if you've got it, flaunt it." Now, my motto is "for goodness sake, cover it up!" I can almost understand it in the younger starlets. I just don't want to see it.

Where Does the Fashion Industry Get Off?! : Okay, middle-aged friends, answer me this. You've had a few kids. Your bladder is not what it used to be. You really, really need to pee. What are the odds of you not having an accident if you're wearing some crazy one-piece jumpsuit you have to completely remove every time you need the bathroom? Or how about the Gap? In my youth, I'd have run out to buy their trendy jeans with the strategically-placed rips and tears. Now, I am incensed as a consumer that they have the gall to charge me full-price for a pair of ripped jeans! They should be giving me a discount!! Also, harem pants went out of style the first time for a reason. I know this because I'm old enough to remember it.

I think it's time to face facts. I'm turning into a cranky old lady.

I can pretend the grey hair doesn't exist by spending $8 on a box of colour. I can buy jeans that are designed to cover up my middle-aged spread and fool myself into thinking it isn't an issue. I can even occasionally decide I like some new song I hear on the radio. But the fact remains that I'm getting older. Not that that has to be a bad thing. I certainly know myself, and my style, and all my preferences, much better than I did even 10 years ago. I'm more comfortable in my own skin, and I'm far less likely these days to make a stupid clothing purchase. Getting older has its advantages. But when I find myself yelling at these youngsters in the magazines to behave themselves and dress with some dignity, it shocks me into missing that part of myself that was more willing to throw caution to the wind. And I wonder how long it's going to be before I'm wearing shapeless cardigans over shapeless floral dresses and dropping my teeth into a cup every night before bed.

So today, I will find my balance. Ripped jeans aren't my thing anymore, and head-to-toe trendy has lost its appeal. But there are a few things in my closet that can keep me from disappearing into the background altogether. I will keep my mind open to new things, even if they ultimately just aren't for me.

I may be a cranky old lady, but I'm not going down without a fight.